Last week, I went to office with a small kid. I didn’t see him until the auto-rickshaw stopped by my side. He was this cute looking kid about 3 years old, standing and playing in that small space behind the passenger seat of the auto. The father must have put him there as there was no one home.

What the hell? I got in the auto and told the driver my destination. Midway, the kid suddenly said “Paani!” There was this bottle of water near the driver’s side. I took the bottle, put it to the kid’s lips and made him drink the water. When he was done, he smiled at me and we became instant friends.

Reminds me of the days back home when I was in my teens and I was the neighborhood kids’ favorite teacher. My elder brother was the type who would shout and throw the kids’ books if the kids couldn’t get it the first time. After a few days, they all came to me. I was the patient one who would explain things slowly and repeatedly, if required. I also had this habit of telling them stories from history, mythology, science…and asking questions. I still do with S, after all these years.

Kids always have shared this special bonding with me. One thing that always surprises me is that they never approach me as someone older. It’s more like the way people in the same age group warm up to each other, the way friends do.

About a year back, S and I went to Munnar with a good friend, her hubby and 4 year old daughter. Sometime after the journey started, the kid became my long lost pal – talking to me all the time, laughing at my jokes, pointing out the mountains and the “fountains” (her style of fooling me!) from the car window, and slapping me on the back of my head. My friend called me up a few weeks after the journey and told me that her daughter was still using my words/expression.

I’m the only one in the family with whom my kid brother talks about girls and other “young people” stuff. My teenage nephew whom the whole family considers disobedient and stubborn opens up to me all the time. If he’s hurt or angry, he will call me up and talk to me.

In spite of my strong and repeated refusals to having a kid of our own, S has never ever taken me seriously. She loves the way I interact or bond with kids. So when I talk about my 101 reasons for not having a kid – pollution, population explosion, parking space, dirty politics, the evil nature of people in our generation, our dying world, supporting/sponsoring other needy relatives’ kids….she has this look in her eyes that says – You don’t fool me honey, we will have a kid whenever I want!


A company in the UK paid me 60 GBP for putting up their link on my professional blog. I got another $250 member of the month award for my contributions to a networking site for professionals (in my domain). A few people have started mentioning my blog as their favorite. In the last interview I attended, the two interviewers laughed when I told them my long term career goal is to become someone well known and respected in the field of Analytics/Data Mining. Stupid fucks, people who will spend their whole lives running after bigger salaries and bigger companies.


And no, I’m not going to write about Mumbai.

There must be some way out of here
Said the joker to the thief
There's too much confusion
I can't get no relief
Business men they drink my wine
Plowmen dig my earth
None of them along the line
know what any of it is worth
- All Along the Watchtower by Bob Dylan

There’s just no way out, all channels of investment have been hit. In spite of what the experts say about the Asian or Indian economy, I have my doubts. Forget the Mutual Funds, the stocks & shares, the PPF, the NSC, the government bonds….I’m seriously thinking of taking out my money from my savings account and keeping it under my pillow.


Had been postponing the cleaning and re-arranging of my tapes for a long long time. 17 GB of MP3s on my PC has made me neglect the tapes. But last weekend, I decided enough was enough. I pulled out the drawers, poured out (literally) all the tapes on the carpet, and rubbed & scrubbed each and every tape cover with a piece of cloth soaked in Colin. Took me more than 3 hours but in the end I got this….

The one-album wonders. Me and my friends used to call all these bands that released amazing out-of-this-world albums but couldn’t follow it up with anything worthwhile afterwards. Every single song in all these albums is GOOD; collector’s item I would definitely say.

Soul Asylum - Grave Dancers Union
Soundgarden – Superunknown
Spin Doctors - Pocket Full of Kryptonite
Third Eye Blind - Third Eye Blind
Blind Melon – Blind Melon
Audioslave – Audioslave
Little Angels – Young Gods
Collective Soul – Collective Soul
Maroon5 – Songs about Jane
Ugly Kid Joe – America’s Least Wanted
.........
.........

The cleaning work also turned up a few gems – Lizzy Borden’s “Deal with the Devil” and Lenny Wolf’s (Kingdom Come) “Too”.

"Most of us go to our graves with our music still inside of us”

Went to Yercaud on the Aug 15 weekend with S and two of my ex-colleagues. Tamil Nadu just refuses to change - most of the signboards are in Tamil, and the people behind the counters cannot speak either Hindi or English. It's the same old story when I was doing my engineering in Coimbatore eons back. It's no surprise that this state still lags behind in so many areas when compared to the other southern states. In the north, you have Bihar and West Bengal - states with huge natural resources and lots of potential that have repeatedly failed to change or progress much.

Yercaud is a small place, nothing much to see. To be very honest, the hotel where we stayed was the best place/part of the visit.

In the next 1-2 months, I'm going to have 8000-10,000 extra rupees every month. Kid bro will start getting his monthly stipends at the IMA, and kid sister has finally got a good job in Delhi. And this means I won't be sending them money anymore for the first time in 3-4 years. I'm feeling light, and I'm feeling proud. The cousin whose education I’m sponsoring has also reached the 12th standard; I hope he comes out well in the 2009 board exams.

Am planning to book or buy a flat by spring/summer next year. Need to bring my parents here as soon as possible 'coz the money my elder brother (in Chennai) and I send home every month is never ever enough. My parents can live comfortably on my father's pension but then the losers in the family don't leave them alone.

Lately, the idea of working and living abroad (somewhere in Europe or Canada) is slowly becoming very attractive to me. I was always the lone guy in the gang who said no to working and settling down in another country. But the dirt, corruption, disrespect of everyone and everything; the ethnic, religious, language and economic divide and enmity in every lane of every state in this country leaves me utterly hopeless. You may say that these things are there in a lot of other countries too. But the truth is, it’s an exception out there while it’s a very regular and common affair in our country. Ours is a culture, a way of thinking & living that has been followed, protected, and taught for thousands of years. Another thousand years may not be enough to change or unlearn.


Been 2 years in Bangalore and I'm missing my friends in Delhi. The friends I used to hang out with, the friends who played guitar with me, and the friends with whom I get philosophical every weekend over endless glasses of rum. And yeah, they miss me too. They miss my place (all the rented flats I used to stay alone) which was always the default party venue. They miss my tapes, and my books. They miss my fried chicken and pork which was the staple starter and the "ender" at our parties.

It's raining so much these days. And for a change, it's raining mostly at nights in Bangalore. S and I love the rains; the moment we hear the rains, we will open the window in our bedroom, pull aside the curtains, get back in bed and snuggle happily under the covers.

Listening to AC/DC at full volume, the heavy bass beats and drums, Angus Young’s wizardry on the fretboard, and Bon Scott’s arrogant ‘fuck you’ vocals….pure unadulterated ROCK at its best.

Rock is god, Rock is religion, Rock is ecstasy, Rock rocks, period.

It’s raining, it’s getting dark and I’m in the mood, in the mood for good ol’ rum, straight on the rocks.

The birthday came and went. Except for the tsunami of wishes on Orkut, there was almost none in the real internet-less world. Guess, the middle aged guy has finally arrived in my life and along with it, my Levis went for an upgrade from 28 to 30.

The first time your eyes met. The first date, the first kiss. The first time you see her naked, the first time you fought...

Age has been the best education I’ve ever received. The books and movies say first times' always a disaster, or clumsy at its best. But if you have loved and slept with more than one woman, you’ll know that’s one big lie.

Makes you weak, makes you strong. Makes you stand tall, makes you go down on your knees. Makes you laugh, makes you bleed and cry...

They say love’s about giving. Love’s about understanding each other. Love’s about sacrifice. Love’s about great conversation, and great sex. I say balls to everyone who believes in these. Let me tell you love’s about finding that someone who can take your shit - all your insecurities, all your wacky habits and biased stubborn opinions and attitudes. Love has its moments too. Special, earth-shattering, mind-blowing, worth-everything-in-the-world moments but then don’t hold on to it like your last candy and don’t hope for it every day for the rest of your life.

They say your performance matters, your honesty matters. When you start working, when you have a job, just believe in one simple thing - work smart. There will never be a politics-less company in this whole wide universe. There are no great companies, there are only good managers and good job profiles.

Love and sharing doesn’t make good families if there are lazy egoistical dependent assholes around. Financially independent members make great families. The love and sharing comes naturally after.

Our Hindu way of life has taught me just two things. If you are a happy man, it’s all god’s grace. If you are a dog, it’s karma. And sadly, this stupid, blind belief, this mother-of-all-excuses for everything wrong in this world has spread to all our countrymen.


Don't come closer or I'll have to go
Holding me like gravity are places that pull
If ever there was someone to keep me at home
It would be you...

Everyone I come across in cages they bought
they think of me and my wandering
but I'm never what they thought
got my indignation but I'm pure in all my thoughts
I'm alive...
Guaranteed by Eddie Vedder from the OST of Into the Wild

Saw "Into the Wild" last week. If you have ever dreamed of giving up everything to live the life you have always wanted, you’ll love this movie. As for the soundtrack - nine original and two cover songs performed entirely by Eddie Vedder, the less said the better. I’ve been listening to these songs everyday ever since I downloaded all the 11 songs and 2 bonus tracks.

Sometimes I wonder how a "my" prefixed to anyone or anything changes the entire equation. The alcoholic and wife abuser, and MY father, that school dropout and MY brother, that hot woman in the hot dress and MY woman, the traffic rule breaker and MY friend, the old lecher and MY uncle....When the MY is added, the person’s bad character, sick attitude, and crime suddenly becomes smaller, insignificant, and something you can ignore, forget or forgive without a second thought. Guess, some things never ever change.

Memories are memories, nothing more nothing less but some of them linger on long after everyone and everything has moved on.

The girl with the tattoo. I was waiting for an auto that morning when I saw her coming down the same road where I was standing. An auto came, she stopped it, talked with the driver and got in. The auto sped past me but stopped a few meters ahead. She leaned out and asked me where I was going. When I told her my destination, she asked me to hop in as she was going the same way. I hesitated first, feeling a bit shy but got in after she repeated the offer. We talked a bit inside the auto, and suddenly I remember her as someone I used to see occasionally in college when I was doing my PG. I asked about her college and she confirmed it. And when I told her that I still remember the tattoo of the huge green cross on her left arm, she looked at me, rubbed her arms and told me that’s a very strange way of remembering someone. We laughed together.

I never met her again; I never asked her name, and she never asked mine. All I remember is that she was working at Radio Mirchi then, all I remember is her kohl-laden eyes, the long jet black hair, and of course, the tattoo.

It was barely twilight but there I was, sitting at the bus stop just near the Lajpat Nagar flyover. I was working in a BPO company then and I had to wake up everyday around 4 am to be in time for the company cab. Owls, vampires, and BPO employees - creatures of the night.

I used to smoke then. Sitting there, smoking a cigarette I saw something on the road. It was a dog, very much dead and lying in the middle of the street. Something huge must have struck it when it was crossing the road because there were small body pieces lying all around. The blood must have dried up too, a long time ago.

And as I waited for the cab, I saw all these vehicles zooming down the road, and hitting and/or running over the carcass one after the other. The sound of each impact was sickening and as the dead dog crumbled into smaller and smaller pieces right in front of my eyes, I watched it all - sad, revolting and fascinating but I couldn’t stop myself from staring.

"Kutta hai na?" I turned around and saw this kid who worked at one of the small Punjabi/Chinese hotels near my rented flat. I nodded my head and we both kept on watching. And for a few minutes, we saw the same thing and felt exactly the same feelings. So this is how we all end, man and dog and everything else – ash to ash, dust to dust.

The cab finally came and I got in. The kid was still standing by the road, lost in his own thoughts.