Thursday, June 11, 2009

Maybe this is how parents feel. The cousin whose education I have been sponsoring passed the XII board exams with flying colors. I feel proud but I am happier with the fact that the kid is worth spending. Maybe this is not how parents feel.

I wanted him to study computer science engineering; agreed that everyone is doing it and the stream’s become pretty boring but for a kid whose family is poor, the fastest and guaranteed route of getting a job and earning money is to study CSc. Engineering. But I feel the kid somehow sensed the extra responsibility that has been heaped upon me after my brother’s expiry – my nephew’s education. And with everyone back home learning that salaries at my current company have been delayed for the last 2 months, the kid backed out and told me that he would rather study BSc at a college back home in Imphal. As they say, sometimes in life there are just too few options.

As my years of work experience increase, my belief that life in the private sector is not so different from life in the government sector grows stronger everyday. In private companies, transparency no longer exists. Promotions/career growth is wholly dependent on your relation with your immediate boss. The big shots continue to earn huge disproportionate salaries that are not even (1/100)th of the revenues they bring in to the company. Satyam was not the first and the last example. Take Infosys, the company considered to be one of the most ethical & transparent companies by so many people around the world. The company had announced a freeze in hikes for this year for all employees but just about 2-3 months back, whooping oh-my-fucking-god hikes were announced for a group of very senior people. Does it mean that ALL the employees of Infosys were not performing except for these old-fat-greedy asses???

I got so pissed off when I learned that the librarian at my company had been fired a few months back. That poor guy must be earning like 5-6 thousand rupees a month. Let’s even say 10,000. How much has the company’s balance sheet and cash flow statement changed after that guy was fired? How about those dickheads who earn nothing less than 15 lacs a year for handling a single project and managing at the most 10 people? And whoever fired him, I am sure that asshole could have saved the librarian’s job by taking a 1% cut in his/her own salary.

It’s funny how people expect you to change overnight after marriage. Have been doing the washing, cleaning, cooking....ever since I was in my teens. I didn’t allow my elder sis or mom to wash my clothes since I was in standard 7, I observe the same principle with my wife too. We wash our own clothes, we cook and wash the dishes together almost all the time, and we clean our flat together. And then we have all these married friends who are FULLY dependent on cooks and housemaids, and whenever we meet on the weekends they are like, “How do you guys maintain your figures?” And I am like, “Oh it’s easy. We fuck like rabbits!!!” Just kidding:-)

Coming back to the first line in the above para, marriage has indeed changed me. I don’t sleep alone anymore, and I always sleep with my arms around S. I don’t come home from the office to an empty flat anymore; I look forward to seeing S again in the evening, and talking and laughing with her. Dying young is not so romantic anymore. I drink lesser these days, though I will never ever stop drinking for anyone or anything. Same goes for rock music and guitars.

And one more thing I learned after marriage is that when I feel angry, depressed, frustrated, or sad, nothing makes me feel better than holding S in my arms tight without saying a word.

Monday, February 16, 2009

We all live our lives thinking that we are immune, and the bad things that happen to everyone around us will not affect us. We pray to our own personal imaginary gods, and believe that they will take care of us.

For the first time ever since I started working, my current company delayed our salaries for 7 whole days without a single notice or email from the senior management. The mobile bill reimbursements and the food/Sodexho coupons had been stopped 2 months ago. No intimation, no explanation.

S and I have decided to postpone our plan for purchasing an apartment. There’s too much uncertainty floating around.

The black sheep of the family finally left us. No, that’s not exactly right. My 2nd eldest brother died sometime in January, he was around 36 years old. Some cried, while a few others like me weren’t able to shed a tear or feel a thing. All I could feel was this overwhelming pity and disbelief over how one single person could trash all the million opportunities he had and destroyed everything and everyone around him. He fucked everyone’s happiness and just left all the shit behind without ever realizing his follies or repenting for a single minute.

My elder brother in the US and I have decided to take care of his 2 kids. I will take care of the boy while my brother will take care of his elder sister, our niece. I talked to my kid brother too, and told him that he may have to contribute depending on what the cousin I’m currently sponsoring decides to do after his 12 exams.

I don’t know where and when I will ever meet you again my dickhead brother. But let me tell you this, you had it easy bro’ and mom was there all the time to cover for you, and protect you. I will find you and make you pay one day. Make you pay for all the things you did to the people I love.

I have this feeling that we Indians are very closely related to the Koreans. Indian movies usually have the love-triangle while the Koreans have the love-quadrilateral. Every time I see a commercial or romantic Korean movie, I find 4 very confused and righteous people stretching on their loves, honours, sacrifices, and penances forever.

I always tell S that my principles are very different. If I want a woman, I will get her and everything and everyone can go to hell. In fact, S’s last boyfriend (before me!) was sort of a millionaire who has his own company. When I came into the picture, their relationship was not COMPLETELY over, but in about a year’s time she was COMPLETELY mine. I didn’t exactly play the part of a millionaire but I used my credit card a helluva lot!!!

RocknRolla, The Reader, The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button, and Taken are absolute delights, don’t miss them.