fulfilled

And then I encounter you, my love, with those wrinkles around your eyes, your face still beautiful though worn by memory and tender remorse. I almost pass you on the sidewalk, I'm only a few feet away, and you look at me as you look at all people, as though seeking another beyond their shadow. I could speak, erase the years. But to what end? Am I not, even now, fulfilled? I am like God, as solitary as He, as vain, and as despairing, unable to be one of my creatures. They dwell in my light, while I dwell in unbearable darkness, the source of that light.
- Foucault's Pendulum by Umberto Eco

Words, sometimes they hit you when you least expect it. And truth, we stand in the shadows whenever it approaches.

Waiting for an offer/confirmation. Listening to a lot of the Ramones and the Nine Inch Nails, I’m taking an extended break for the first time in about 4 years. The summer of 2002, that was when I got my first job offer.

Was in Coorg about a month back, got 3 leeches on my legs when we went up a hill to see a waterfall. It was raining there all the time and I had my first and last dark rum there since I left Delhi.

Reading Heavier than Heaven (the biography of Kurt Cobain) and Shantaram. Bet I can open a small shop for books and music once I retire.

The world’s getting funnier each day. Talk about OUR god and religion, and you have the masses at your feet. Talk about THEIR god and religion, and you are dead meat. We and them, you and I, ours and theirs, mine and yours – that’s the world, that’s life, philosophy, and the truth, period.

INXS is coming to Bangalore and I’m not at all excited. Why do most of these rock bands/artists come to India when they are on their deathbeds? Why don't we have AudioSlave, Godsmack, Green Day, Dream Theater, Marilyn Manson, Radiohead.....instead? Maybe, we should have something similar to the anti-dumping laws...just maybe.

lotsa luck!!

A new city, a new job...

The new job almost destroyed me – personally and professionally. The last 3-4 months had been really tough. I learned on the joining day that my job content had been totally changed. The analytics project/process for which I was initially recruited hadn’t come to the company. As the department head who conducted my telephonic interview when I was in Delhi put it, “The project was in the pipeline.” But neither he nor the HR manager had bothered to inform me about that when I was in Delhi.

I was asked to manage a team of 15 people – 13 survey programmers and 2 Team Leaders - in another process. And everything was wrong with that process - the transition hadn’t been done properly; the client had taken full advantage as there was no one with the relevant Market Research knowledge when the SOP/SLA was put in place, the whole team, and especially the programmers were being exploited, and almost everyone was playing dirty politics to save their own asses.

After the first few weeks, I learned that I don’t agree at all with the department head on so many things and our management styles were poles apart. Nor did I like the client who was very unreasonable and inhumanely demanding. They even expected us to work on weekdays and their national holidays. As far as they were concerned, we were dirt cheap Indians who had been bought with their dollars.

I started fighting for everyone in my team, I fought with the clients, I fought with the senior management but soon realized there was nobody behind me. The programmers and the team leaders were just too scared of losing their jobs and I understood. I submitted my papers the day I completed my probation period of 3 months.

I know I’m taking a huge risk. I currently don’t have any job offers in hand and 3 months at a company’s not going to look good on my resume. But I’ve this gut feeling that I did the right thing and I know that everything’s gonna be all right, very soon.

The sun’s always mellowed, almost always. The weather’s heavenly in this city that had remained elusive for as long as I remembered. Now it’s with me, breathing and living with me in perfect harmony. And sometimes, totally out of sync.

I can hear the quiet of this city in the midst of the traffic jams. I can see the subdued colors in the neon signs at the over-crowded malls.

The last 2 weeks have been just amazing, and so very peaceful. I’m now enjoying everything in my life, like the old days – I can now smell the coffee, I can now sleep, I can go out and feel refreshed and happy, I can read my books without thinking of anything else, I can play the guitar and get lost…I can do anything I like.

Am talking with a few companies right now, 2 of them’s showing INTEREST. Wish me luck folks. Lotsa, lotsa luck :-)